This video presents an interesting perspective.
Many of us are very skilled at listening - of really hearing what the other person is saying in their words and body language. And because of this, the other person feels heard, acknowledged, and validated.
But some of us are reluctant to respond by saying what we think and feel - holding back possibly because our inner critic is telling us that we might be wrong, or if we were to offer our input we would risk social embarrassment or rejection.
As you may have heard me say before - your inner critic is trying to protect you in some way by trying to influence you to remain small and safe.
The antidote for this is to simply 'thank' your inner critic (which of course is just an aspect of your personality) for trying to keep you safe, but that it's contribution is not necessary or helpful in the current situation. YOU are the one in charge, not the critic.
Getting back to the topic of speaking up, in my experience, our insights and perceptions are often exactly what the other person wants and needs to hear. If you are uncomfortable speaking up, then name that feeling ("I feel a bit uncomfortable saying this to you, but...") and then just speak up and say the thing. It doesn't matter if it comes out jumbled or not perfect - you can tweak it after you say it.
But DO say it - not speaking up robs the other person of your insight and perspective but also puts a hole in your Self Worth Bucket because you have just invalidated yourself. It also hides your value to others, and dents your self confidence. This creates a negative feedback loop in your self talk, your emotions and your self image.
Why are some people reluctant to speak up? Some of it may be related to social or performance anxiety, but not necessarily (and please remember, as I have said before - people who are Introverted are not automatically socially anxious - social anxiety is treatable a medical condition and unrelated to Introversion, which is an aspect of personality - so beware of projecting or accepting the stereotype of the socially anxious Introvert that avoids other humans - that is simply not the norm or an aspect of Introversion or even an accurate or helpful stereotype).
No, I believe that reluctance to speak up comes from the different way that our Introvert brain processes thoughts. When we are more extroverted, our brain processing is more direct - we think/feel it and immediately say it, often without adequate filtering. And when we are working from our more Introverted aspect of our personality, our brain does a more considered processing through various areas of our brain. Some of the ports of call for our thoughts to travel is through the parts of the brain that considers the meaning of the thought, as well as the ones which weigh up risks and finally, the area that tends to take things personally. In other words, "if I say this, how will it affect me?"
So my advise is:
-Listen - really connect and hear the other person
-Notice what your response is to what the other person is saying
-Respond instinctively by saying what you are thinking/feeling before your thought gets over processed and you begin to personalize it
-Repeat, repeat, and repeat
Let me know how you get on!
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